It’s been a few months since I’ve even written a sentence that was intended solely for human eyes other than my own. I’ve thought about it, sure. But something inside me, something that I thought I had let go long ago, was holding me back.
Hello, old friend. And when I say friend, I don’t mean the good kind, I mean the kind that was sort of like an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that took a few years of your life and ran it through the mud.
Let’s throw it back a few years.
In high school I wasn’t the most motivated person. I could breeze through all my classes and assignments accomplishing the bare minimum and still come out on top. The classes were well below my level and pace, so I was forever in a I-can-be-doing-something-better-than-this attitude. I filled up my extra time* with unproductive hobbies: pleasure reading, Netflix and cooking.
*By extra time I don’t mean an hour or two, I mean from the time I got home from school until I went to bed.
(Please tell me that sounds a tiny bit familiar and that I’m not alone in all this?)
When I got to college, it was a whole new world. I had so many things to do, so many people to meet and best of all I had a newly discovered fire in my bones to learn about Jesus Christ. My lazy days were behind me. So I thought.
Since my last post I have gotten past the bitterness and anger of being in the “God, why can’t I feel you” stage. Instead of continuing to carry my cross every day and use that new found peace to fuel my efforts, I’ve become quite complacent about it all; I have done nothing to power my mind to grow stronger in Christ.
I still find myself leaning on it like a crutch to support my lazy tendencies.
Actually, no sports is a good incentive.
Anyways, back to the seriousness.
A great article called Put Laziness to Rest by Paul Maxwell put this ugly trait in a new perspective for me. Paul says:
“Laziness is not the reclusive passivity it pretends to be. It is active obedience to someone, to something other than Jesus Christ.”
How true is that statement?
What am I a slave to you ask? A million and one things. Things including Netflix, sleep, Netflix, junk food, Netflix (it’s really a problem for me), my friends … the list goes on. These can be good things, of course, but when I indulge too much or ignore commitments that I’ve made, that’s when I’ve become a slave to the wrong master. I’ve become actively obedient to myself and the whims of my flesh.
2 Peter 2:19 literally says:
“They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.”
It has taken two months of complacency to realize that I’ve let myself become dependent on the things I find worldly comfort in. I’ve let myself make the excuse that “I’m just not feeling the Jesus thing right now” or “I’ll do it tomorrow because I’m not feeling His presence today” and then watch Netflix instead. And to be honest, that’s just not okay with me anymore.
But this week, I plan to do better, to be better. I want to prioritize. Put things that used to be crucially important to me back into the forefront of my regular routine. Things like reading my bible, meditating scripture, building deeper relationships/evangelizing, even blogging. I plan to do everything in my power to grow in Christ every day.
And I plan to find my comfort in the one that can truly provide it. My God.